


Unwanted

by avintagekiss24



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Drama, Angst and Porn, Avengers Compound, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fight Sex, Heavy Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Orgasm, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Smut, Steve Rogers Feels, Stucky Bingo 2019, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 02:00:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19285810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avintagekiss24/pseuds/avintagekiss24
Summary: Bucky and Steve try to reconcile after a fight.





	Unwanted

**Author's Note:**

> Fill #8 for Bucky Barnes Bingo 2019  
> Square Y4 - Steve Rogers/Captain America
> 
> Fill #1 (yay!) for Stucky Bingo 2019  
> Square G2 - "I don't know what I'd do without you"
> 
> Shout out to my beta for helping me with this! This is only my second Stucky fic, so I need all the help I can get! :)
> 
> You can catch me on tumblr at avintagekiss24

Bucky’s heart leaps in his chest as he hears muffled voices through the walls of their bathroom. He stares in the mirror at himself, biting the inside of his cheek as he leans against the sink. He drops his head, his hair dangling on either side of his face as their words flood back over him. 

 

_ “I don’t even know why I bother with you half the time.” _

 

_ “I don’t know why either. You’re incapable of thinking about anybody but your goddamn self anyway.” Bucky fires back. _

 

_ Steve scoffs, throwing his shield over his shoulders to connect it to the back of his uniform, “Fuck off.” _

 

_ “Fuck you!” _

 

Bucky takes a deep, slow breath, before letting it out of his mouth. He continues to chew on the inside of his cheek as his eyes focus in on a random tile that makes up the bathroom floor. Bucky’s still hurt, he’s not even sure if he wants to see him, if he’s  _ ready  _ to. He must have packed his bag a hundred times since the team left on their mission. He could have made a clean break, but yet, he’s still here, his head and heart swimming with emotion. 

 

“You gonna eat, Rogers?” Bucky makes out through the wall. Steve and Natasha’s voices growing louder as they approach.

 

“Yeah, in a minute. I’m gonna shower first.”

 

Bucky hears the door click as it opens, and stands up straight, squaring his jaw. He grabs the shirt that’s thrown over the towel rack and pulls it over his head as he moves into the bedroom. Steve glances up as he removes his gloves, blue eyes following Bucky as he moves. Bucky sits heavily on the bed, facing away from Steve as he plucks out a pair of socks from a nightstand drawer. 

 

He can feel Steve’s eyes on his back like brands, but he doesn’t turn and meet that gaze Instead, he  pulls on the red-white-and-blue socks before standing up again. He grabs his phone from where it’s plugged into the wall to charge, quickly stepping past Steve, who’s jaw is so tight he looks like he’s about to crack a tooth. Bucky goes so far as to shoulder-check him as he walks out of their bedroom. 

 

Bucky slams the door shut, walking through the hallway of the compound like nothing’s wrong, plastering on a smile he definitely doesn’t feel as he rounds the corner to the kitchen. Almost  everyone is there, laughing and snacking on whatever is available. 

 

“The Manchurian candidate has blessed us with his divine presence,” Tony crows, a shit-eating grin on his face, “How are you, old man?”

 

Bucky leans into Natasha as she pulls him into a hug and Sam slaps him on the back, “I’m good, Tony. Glad you guys are back safe.”

 

“Of course we are, but there’s a new war brewing. Indian or Chinese?” Tony asks, peering at the group over his glasses. 

 

Requests for Chinese fill the kitchen before people begin to talk in groups of two or three. Natasha side-eyes Bucky as he leans against the counter, chatting with Sam. She pokes his side, “You know what Rogers wants for dinner?”

 

Bucky shrugs, purposely nonchalant,, “Nope, and I don’t really care.” Natasha tilts her head slightly, her eyes searching his, “What? He’s a grown man.”

 

“Whew,” Sam sighs, “That’s cold.”

 

“And so is he.” Bucky snaps back, grabbing a pretzel and shoving it in his mouth to try and dissuade further discussion. 

 

“Buck,” Natasha’s voice is soft, almost too soft for the amount of noise in the kitchen, “You know he didn’t mean it.”

 

Bucky brings his hands to chest-height, palms out, “I really don’t want to talk about it, Nat. Okay?”

 

Bucky pushes away from the counter and makes a calculated retreat leaving her to sigh, her eyebrows pinched together tightly. 

 

Dinner is awkward. 

 

Steve and Bucky usually sit next to each other, their fingers twined together underneath the table. Steve’s thumb would be rubbing slow circles into Bucky’s palm, Bucky’s fingers tightening slightly now and again while they eat and talk with their friends.

 

Tonight is completely different. They’re on opposing sides of the table, with Steve sitting a few chairs away so they’re not parallel. Bucky opted to plant himself between Sam and Nat, while Steve is between Bruce and Tony, picking at his food rather than eating with his usual gusto after a mission. 

 

Everyone keeps glancing between them, trying to avoid sparking a confrontation between the two, making valiant attempts to keep the mood light. Bucky chews on his chow mein slowly & methodically; thinking a mile a minute as he can feel himself becoming more and more tense, his anger at Steve - his hurt, too, if he’s being honest - quickly regaining its fever pitch. He’s not remorseful about it: It’s been at least an hour, maybe two, since the team got back and Steve hasn’t even made the slightest effort to talk to him, never mind apologizing. Bucky slams his back into his chair, tossing his chopsticks onto his plate as the conversation around him fades into the background. 

 

_ “Fuck me?” Steve laughs, “Ok then. Fuck me.” _

 

_ “You are such an asshole,” Bucky spits, “I’m laying out my fucking heart to you and all you can do is fucking laugh at me?” His eyes water, quickly threatening to spill onto his cheeks, feeling like there’s a ten-tonne weight on his chest, “Why won’t you let me in?” He whispers.  _

 

_ Steve stops, his hand curled on the doorknob as he cuts his eyes back toward Bucky, “Maybe because I don’t want to.” _

 

_ Bucky stares back at him, his mouth  open, stunned speechless at Steve’s harshness, “And why is that?” He asks, his tears finally escaping. _

 

_ “Because I don’t want you.” _

 

Bucky pushes away from the table sharply, his chair scraping against the floor. Everyone startles, watching as he throws his plate into the sink before heading toward their shared bedroom.

“You okay man?” Sam calls as Bucky leaves, barely catching his nod before he rounds the corner.

 

Bucky slams the door behind him as he moves toward the closet, sliding open the door to grab his duffle bag. Tossing it on the bed, he haphazardly grabs his belongings, tossing them in the bag. He’s in the bathroom, collecting his toiletries when he hears the sweep of the door across the carpet as it opens, then the click as it closes. He walks back into the bedroom, ignoring Steve, whose eyes are glued to him. 

 

“Bucky - ”

 

“I don’t want to fucking hear it.” He barks, throwing his remaining possessions into the black duffel before he zips it closed. 

 

Steve snaps his mouth shut, and watches quietly as Bucky strides  around the room, feet heavy, grabbing another bag, throwing it onto the bed and grabbing handfuls  of clothes. “Where are you gonna go?”

 

Bucky laughs humorlessly, shaking his head as he unplugs his phone charger, “Like you give a shit.”

 

“I do.”

 

“No, you don’t!” Bucky shouts, finally turning to face him, taking Steve by surprise, “Don’t act like you give a fuck about me.”

 

Tears burn at the back of Bucky’s eyes as Steve drops his eyes to the floor. A heavy sigh racks Steve’s body as he lifts his head to face an irate Bucky Barnes. 

 

“I wanted to call you.”

 

Bucky scoffs, “I don’t care what you wanted to do.”

 

“Will you just listen to me?” Steve’s voice is deep, his eyes dark. Bucky sighs, closing his eyes to try and quash the anger swelling in his chest, “I wanted to apologize all week long. I mean it, I had my finger over the call button a thousand times.”

 

“And?” Bucky asks quietly, dragging his tired eyes back open, meeting Steve’s.

 

“I couldn’t do it over the phone.”

 

Steve pushes off the door moving toward Bucky slowly, keeping his eyes locked with Bucky’s. Steve steps up to him, raising a hand to rest softly on Bucky’s neck, his thumb on Bucky’s jaw. Bucky turns his head away from him, his lips pursed tightly as he stares past Steve. Steve drops his hands to his sides and takes a step back, giving Bucky the space that he’s silently asking for.

 

Steve sighs deeply, “I fucked up,” Steve says quietly, “I’m sorry.”

 

Bucky snaps his eyes back to Steve, his mouth dropping open again in disbelief, “That’s it? You fucked up and you’re sorry? That’s the best you can come up with?”

 

Steve hasn’t felt this kind of anger from Bucky before, and certainly not pointed toward him, “Buck,  _ please _ .”

 

Bucky shakes his head, “If you don’t want me, then let me go. I’ll go find somebody who does.” His voice is low, seeped in venom.

 

Steve drops his head, “Don’t say that.” His voice low. “I don’t want you to go.” Steve’s breathing is quick and shallow, his heart beating against his chest, “Please don’t go.”

 

Bucky doesn’t say anything. He just stands there, frozen, as his breathing quickens. He slams his eyes closed, trying to force the tears back, trying not to cry. He breathes in sharply, but his tears spill over onto his cheeks anyway. Steve reaches toward him slowly, asking for permission to touch him. 

 

When Bucky doesn’t move, Steve brushes his tears away with his thumbs. He pulls Bucky closer and kisses him tentatively on the corner of his mouth. When Bucky doesn’t protest, Steve leans in again, brushing his lips over his forehead as he sweeps hair out of his face. Water continues to leak from Bucky’s eyes as Steve peppers kisses along his face. He kisses both eyelids, down Bucky’s nose, and at each corner of his mouth again. 

 

Bucky slowly starts to lower his armor, leaning against Steve’s chest as the tears fall harder and faster, “You don’t love me.” He murmurs, mournfully, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck. 

 

“I do love you, baby,” Steve whispers forcefully, “You  _ know _ I love you Bucky.”

 

Bucky wants to believe him. Steve is the realest thing that Bucky has ever touched, he doesn’t want to lose him - even if his love is unrequited. He lets his eyes close again as Steve’s head dips to the juncture of his neck and shoulder neck, his tongue darting out to lick the skin there. Steve bites down on Bucky’s shoulder, making him jump at the unexpected pain. Bucky pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, mind racing as Steve’s fingers push up into his plain t-shirt, skimming along his warm skin, sending jolts of electric heat through Bucky.

 

Steve lets his hands drift down to rest on Bucky’s hips, pulling their hips together. He rests his forehead to Bucky’s again,  gently rocking them back and forth. 

 

“I got scared baby, I got stupid.” his voice shaky, “I watched you die, I couldn’t save you. You needed me and-” Steve sucks in a shuddering gasp,  as he tries to find the right words, “You needed me to hold you and I  _ couldn’t _ .”

 

Bucky lets out a quiet sob; seventy years of pain and anguish haunts them both. Bucky tightens his grip around Steve’s neck, pressing his lips together as he nuzzles into Steve’s neck.

 

“I want to keep you safe, but I know that I  _ can’t _ .”

 

“Steve.” Steve pulls back just enough to meet Bucky’s gaze, blue eyes searching his face. 

 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Steve tells him, his voice a soft undertone. 

 

Steve crashes his lips to Bucky’s in a desperate kiss. Bucky fervently kisses him back , sucking Steve’s upper lip into his mouth, metal hand pushing into the back of Steve’s blonde hair. Their hands are everywhere, pulling articles of clothes from one another, fingertips pushing into each others flesh. Steve walks them backward backing Bucky right up against the edge of their bed. He lowers them down gently, guiding Bucky onto the pillows with a hand on the back of his head. He starts trailing his lips down Bucky’s chest and stomach, his tongue darting out every now and again.

 

He reaches the dark hair at the base of the Bucky’s stomach, peeking out from the elastic band of his boxers. Steve pushes his fingers beneath the band and pulls, desperate to free Bucky of the constricting material. Steve takes him in his hand, pumping him to further Bucky’s erection. Bucky rolls his hips, lifting his back from the mattress as he lets out a soft moan. He gasps suddenly as Steve’s wet mouth envelopes him, biting his bottom lip as a heavy breath pushes through his throat. 

 

Steve bobs his head up and down with precision, following his hand down and then back up Bucky’s cock. He closes his eyes as he swirls his tongue, swallowing the hot seed that he catches on his tongue. He’s desperate to  _ show  _ Bucky how much he loves him now that he doesn’t  _ feel  _ it anymore. He has to fix it, he can’t lose him again. 

 

Bucky’s hands reach for Steve, grabbing fist fulls of his dirty blonde hair as he squeezes his eyes shut. His lifts his hips from the bed, pushing himself deeper into his Steve’s mouth before pushing back down into the mattress. He licks his lips before he bites his lip again, hissing through his teeth as his hips flex again. 

 

Steve keeps a hold of Bucky’s hips with his hands, his fingertips pressing indentions into his skin. He releases Bucky’s cock with a  _ pop _ , dragging in a breath or two before sliding down on him again, swallowing him to his hilt. Steve hums slightly, out of his own arousal, as Bucky works his hips up and down. Steve slinks his long arm up the length of Bucky’s body, gripping and groping his flesh with his fingers as they move. He flattens his palm in the middle of Bucky’s chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart as it pounds. 

 

Bucky’s hips jerk. He drops his head back to the pillows with a thud as heat courses through his veins. His stomach tightens when he tenses unexpectedly from the sensation of Steve’s velvety tongue. Steve releases him with another pop, dropping his hands from Bucky’s hips and body to shed his the rest of his clothing. He climbs on the bed, pulling Bucky up from the mattress, and flips him over onto his knees.

 

Bucky closes his eyes, letting his mouth go slack as his head swims with arousal. His body pushes forward with Steve’s slow intrusion, a low groan escaping him as he takes every glorious inch of his super soldier. Steve withdraws slowly, his eyes dipping down to watch himself reemerge, before he pushes into Bucky once more.

 

Steve’s pace quickens, his body eager to let out the week’s worth of anxiety and tension that had built up. Bucky grips the white sheets in his metal digits as Steve now pounds into him, his cock dripping as it bounces. Steve drops a hand from Bucky’s hips, snaking it around his waist until his fingers push into Bucky’s happy trail. He spreads his fingers along Bucky’s skin, feeling his muscles tighten and flex as he rocks into him. 

 

His hand slips down further, palming Bucky’s balls, squeezing gently before he takes a hold of his length. Bucky’s heart lurches into his throat as Steve begins stroking him, the warmth of his palm sending shivers along Bucky’s spine. 

 

“God, Steve.” He murmurs, his metal fingers flexing and then balling up again as his orgasm begins to loom on the horizon, “ _ Fuck _ .” 

 

Bucky can usually take a lot, his Hydra training proving useful in the bedroom as well as the battlefield, but tonight it’s all a little too much. The emotional turmoil from the past week, coupled with the intense desire that swells in his chest, ends him quickly. 

 

His orgasm rushes from the pit of stomach, rippling through him in waves as Steve’s palm begins to milk him. He spurts on the sheets as Steve hips continue to rock into him. Steve soon follows, one last push of his hips and he’s coating Bucky’s insides. Bucky falls to the soft mattress, dragging in ragged breaths as the final flutter of his orgasm floods through him. 

 

Steve falls beside him, his chest rising and falling as he pulls in fresh air. He reaches for Bucky as he flips over onto his back, flattening his hand on Bucky’s broad chest. Minutes pass as they climb back down from the high of their tryst, reality settling back in all too quickly.

 

Bucky opens his eyes slowly, staring up at the spinning ceiling fan. His mind is fuzzy and full of confusion as he tries to reconcile it all. The words, the sex, the want to leave but also the to want to  _ stay _ . 

 

_ Because I don’t want you. _

_ Because I don’t want you. _

_ Because I don’t want you. _

 

_ “ _ Bucky,” Steve’s voice is so light that Bucky doesn’t even hear him at first,“Look at me please.”

 

Bucky shifts his eyes from the fan to Steve’s as the words pull him from his thoughts. Steve stares back at him, worry and regret etched on his face. Bucky’s eyes bounce back and forth between Steve’s, his eyes watering again as the words play over and over and over again.

 

_ Because I don’t want you. _

_ Because I don’t want you. _

_ Because I don’t want you. _

 

He reaches up with his flesh hand instinctively, sliding his palm along Steve’s cheek until his fingers brush against his blonde hair. Even when Steve is the cause of Bucky’s discomfort, the feeling of his skin always calms him. Steve inhales sharply, expelling hot air through his lips as he nuzzles his face into Bucky’s palm. A tear slips down his cheek as he lays a soft kiss into Bucky’s hand. 

 

Bucky brushes the tear away, “I love you.” He lets out earnestly, his voice as steady and heavy as the three words he just spoke. 

 

His metal digits push the long hairs out of Steve’s eyes before he cups the other side of his face. Steve turns his attention to the warm metal, kissing it gently, “I love  _ you _ . I always have.” 

 

It grows silent between the two of them again, Steve watching as the wheels in Bucky’s head turn, “Please tell me you know that.” His voice shakes, “Please.”

 

Bucky Barnes knows many things. He knows good and goddamn well that he’s said things that he didn’t mean. He knows he’s done things that don’t mirror who he is, or how he feels on the inside. He knows that he’s pushed people away because he doesn’t want to hurt them. He knows that he loves Steven Grant Rogers with every fiber that makes him whole. Bucky Barnes knows many things, but does he know that Steven Grant Rogers loves him? 

 

“I know.” Bucky lies, his eyes bouncing between Steve’s, trying his best to not let the uncertainty he feels show through, “I know you do.”


End file.
